Saturday, March 29, 2008

STOP-LOSS. (i saw it)

I just got back from seeing “Stop-Loss” with my two friends. I honestly feel pretty empty…I don’t know what to say. The theater was pretty packed…there was a mixture of people. Couples in their 40s and 50s, several guys who had their dog tags hanging out of their shirts, a few party girls with unnecessary cleavage showing, lovebirds, a dirty hippie with disgusting dreadlocks, and the average wide-eyed American. I might ruin the movie for some of you, so stop reading this if you plan on going to see it. The movie started out on the streets of Tikrit…a platoon of men were running a check point and of course a few insurgents/the enemy/terrorists opened fire on them. They chased them in an alleyway and all hell broke loose. A couple Soldiers were killed or wounded…one seriously wounded…civilians also lost their lives and the insurgents/the enemy/terrorists met their maker. The firefight was graphic…blood, shrapnel wounds, gun shots and everything else in-between was in your face. One Soldier was shot in the neck and the audience gasped loudly. It was after this scene I realized I couldn’t stomach much more of this and we were only 15 minutes into the film. Almost like the straw that broke the camels back. The movie then went into the guys coming home to an all-American parade…some were getting out, some getting married, some staying in…typical Army life. However, within ten minutes of being back into civilian life, the platoon was drunk and fighting…and this was a reoccurring theme throughout the movie. The audience laughed when one of guys was driving drunk and hit a tree and said something clever when he woke up…they laughed when another guy was so shit faced he was digging a foxhole in his front yard because he thought he was on a mission. My friend Jessica was sitting next to me…as we were laughing, we told each other it really isn’t funny…but we couldn’t help but laugh. The movie gave a perception that Soldiers are alcoholics who just like to fight all the time…I didn’t agree with this. And it honestly made us look pretty bad. All the Soldiers struggled with nightmares, PTSD, falling back into normal life, trying to lay off the alcohol, and ultimately the decision whether or not to fight the “stop-loss”. The movie went from one extreme to the other…Soldiers who would do absolutely anything for each other to becoming divided due too much drinking and the effects of trying to feel normal again, from firefights to dancing at a bar, from being in love to losing it all, from two friends driving from Texas to Washington trying to get out of the stop-loss to visiting a comrade with a missing arm and legs and burns all over his face, from fighting a couple of thugs in an alley to visiting a fallen comrades house to tell his parents about the day he died…I could go on and on. The end of the movie surprised me…in a good way…it made me proud. I seriously wanted to walk out of the theater at least five times. Some parts were too real, I was crying, my friends were crying, I was laughing…I just couldn’t stomach it. I’ve watched TV shows and specials, documentaries, read books about the war…but part of me just broke down. It also made me think a lot about my current situation with the military…should I go back in or not. I couldn’t get out of the theater fast enough. We all went to the bathroom and talked about how cold it was going to be outside. When we finally made it outside, Jessica, Natalie and I didn’t say a word to each other. Finally, Natalie broke the silence when she told us her bathroom story… “some girl stuffed a pair of underwear in the tampon thing”. Classy. We finally found the car…only after some asshole in his truck almost hit Natalie as he was speeding through the parking lot. I asked them what they thought and Jessica said, “it was really intense” and that she’d tell me more later. Natalie proclaimed, “I’m gonna go to George W’s house and kick him in the dick-he’s a fucking moron. Fuck the stop-loss.” I also asked them after seeing that would they ever join…Natalie’s response, “FUCK NO!” and something about how the whole movie made everything look horrible. I believe Jessica said no also…or she might have just giggled. We came back to my house and told my mom she should’ve came with us. She asked if it was “anti the troops.” I swear my mom will fight anyone who says something negative about the troops. Natalie wanted to go home and sleep…Jessica was suppose to hang out but I wasn’t in the mood for company and I just wanted to be alone. They both left and I jumped in the shower.

The movie wasn’t horrible. I recommend it for people who are in the military or were at some point, for the older and the wiser. I still think it’s bullshit MTV is “presenting” this film and who it is suppose to target…it scares me. If you have seen it…tell me what you think

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Wounded Warrior Project.

i'm thinking about hosting an event. have any of you been to an event? volunteered? hosted an event? if so please email me...

thank you!

Saturday, March 22, 2008


i was laying in my bed yesterday afternoon waiting for natalie to get out of work... we had to run some errands before we went to poughkeepsie to some friends and check out their band. i came across a movie trailer on tv..."stop-loss". i had not seen a preview for this movie before but i was curious...jumped on the computer, typed in the title and was led to "MTV films presents STOP-LOSS." oh great. MTV is making a movie about the war...honestly, what audience are they trying to target? and what is even the point? (unless they are trying to get some 18 year old kids to join because they realize the military is hurting for bodies…but I highly doubt it). So all the kids who watch the Real World, the top 10 countdown, and that reality show about a bi-sexual midget trying to find love…are now going to watch some bs Hollywood war film. well lets see who’s in the movie...Ryan Phillippe, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Channing Tatum and Abbie Cornish. i watched the trailer...Ryan Phillippe running around without a shirt on...girls between the ages of 12-20 will automatically love this film. Abbie Cornish...poor sweet southern girl, just trying to make it through life while her mans at war. what a tearjerker. i don't know who the other two C list actors are...but they run around all "hooah" and this and that...freedom, serve your country...blah blah blah, and don’t forget to look at my muscles. (actually, when Natalie got to my house I asked her if she heard of this movie...she said something about Ryan Phillippe and one of the other actors...she told me he was in some dance movie MTV put out...why Natalie knows this is beyond me...and I was disappointed). i don't know if i really have a point...however, this film scares me. it doesn't even portray a realistic America (in my opinion)...its just good 'ol country boys, drinking some beers, wearing cowboy hats, coming home to parades celebrating their sacrifices (nice try MTV nice try), and coming home to a Martha Stewart girlfriend who can't wait to give them a slice of apple pie...what the fuck. And from what I can see there’s no female Soldiers in this film…I mean why would they be? Female Soldiers just like sit at desks all day, knit, talking about how many babies they want, that new meatloaf recipe their mom gave them, and new ways to clean the house.
MTV why dont you stick to shitty reality TV and playing horrible music? please stay out of my war…you’ll just make it more confusing.

see for yourself...

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Iraq...5 years and counting.

First I would like to say thank you to everyone who’s served in Iraq and Afghanistan for that have my respect and my heart.

I've been listening to NPR, flipped on the TV a couple times, driven by a few protests and i keep seeing/hearing the same things... 2/3s of Americans don't think the war was a justified...however, five years ago 70% of Americans supported the invasion. Everywhere I look, I see negativity...we shouldn't have invaded, this war is wrong, what was the point, support the troops-followed by bring them home now, innocent civilians are dying (i don't argue this), and it is a waste of money (reality check, that money wouldn't have been pumped into anything Americans really "need"), etc. i have yet to see ANYTHING positive be reported today (or any day for that matter)...absolutely one wants to report any of the good that has happened overseas...but lets be honest, who really wants to hear that anyways? the average American enjoys complaining...i suppose that is what we are breed to do now...complain, find ways to make money and spend it...i'm glad i'm not part of your world. i guess you can look at today as being a failure for the United States...or look at it how i do...regardless if you think the war was justified and if US troops did their job or not...the Iraqis are not under the control of a horrendous dictator and i personally think this is a huge accomplishment...every single Soldier went to Iraq with one common thought, we all just wanted to make it home...however, our home isn't so welcoming and thankful for our service... and with that i say, FUCK YOU America.

Monday, March 17, 2008

red team.

so i went to the VA for an appointment. i was told the appointment would last 1.5 to 2 hours...mine lasted 30 minutes. i went to whatever floor it was to meet the "red team" and sat down with a male nurse. before we started he said some of the questions would get personal and asked if i would like to have a female in the room as well. i told him no. i wasn't quite sure what he was going to ask me but i figured i could handle it. so he started. "have you been diagnosed with TBI? have you hit your head? (i giggled at this question…thinking about the time i knocked myself out with my M16, after jumping over a Mountain Dew can because all i could think was “IED”, from all those damn classes we took before getting into country), have you been shot above the shoulders? has anything exploded by you? do you feel on guard? are you depressed?" i told him no...and he continued. i was kind of confused...i thought i went to the VA to be diagnosed with something if need be...i felt as though i should've already know if i had something and then they would just take care of it. Where are the questions like…“so, are you bitter/jaded? Did something happen within your family while you were deployed and you would like some counseling?“ I don’t get it. so he continued with the personal questions...they went like this…“have you ever been raped? something about 10 sexual partners? have you ever been forcefully hit on? (with this question i said..."i'm a female in the military, of course." he said, "so i take that as a yes?" "yes". and a bunch of other questions i can't remember. then he took my blood pressure and pulse...everything was normal. then the doctor came in...she was Indian...she had to be fresh out of med school...and she had contacts in that changed her eye color, they looked horrible. she asked me a few questions, checked my breathing and my reflexes, and pushed on my stomach. i told her i came to the VA because my tooth was killing she decided to be a dentist that day also and flashed a light at the tooth that was pain...she said, "well i dont see anything...sometimes you can see a hole or something." what the fuck...i dont have a hole! send me downstairs to the fucking dentist. nothing is that easy. so with that, she told me to "eat healthy and stay active." great advice...thanks. she also said i was the easiest vet shes seen in a long time and then she told me i had to go to the lab downstairs and get some blood drawn. i hate having my blood veins are hard to find, they roll around...its never an easy process. so i walked down to the lab... The nurse thought i worked there...i told him no. he told me to sit in the chair and put up my arm...he learned quickly my veins aren't willing to cooperate and stuck me in both arms and asked me if i was fasting. his co-worker was drawing blood from another vet in his late 60s, maybe 70s...his blood was flowing. i was finally done and waited for the elevator. i was waiting with the older gentleman who was getting his blood drawn also...he wore one of those "i'm a vet" hats and had a cane. when the elevator finally got to us, he almost ran me over trying to get on...i guess i was in his way or walking too he stopped and held up his cane and directed me towards the elevator. he wasn't trying to waste any time. my appointment was finally over and i was told "dental would call me with an appointment"...i was asked bizarre questions, a light was shined in my mouth, i had blood drawn and never got to see the dentist.
did i miss something?

Monday, March 10, 2008

Gov. Eliot Spitzer.

My lovely Governor is being investigated for a link to a prostitution ring.

"WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Federal prosecutors have unsealed an affidavit that details a rendezvous in a Washington hotel room last month between a prostitute and a client who a source tells CNN was New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer.

Gov. Eliot Spitzer, with his wife, Silda, by his side, apologizes to his family and to the public.

The affidavit does not mention Spitzer by name, but a source with knowledge of the case said the subject identified as Client-9 is the governor.

Spitzer took office in January 2007 after serving eight years as the state's attorney general, when he rose to national prominence as a hard-charging prosecutor.

He has not been charged.

Spitzer, who is married with three children, went before reporters Monday to confess to an undisclosed personal indiscretion, saying he had acted "in a way that violates my obligations to my family, that violates my or any sense of right and wrong."

I remember when Spitzer was running for Governor...everyone in Albany was excited about him. He was voted in at 63%. Within months of entering office, a lot of people couldn't stand him...and i'm not sure he's really done anything big. My mom says he has a "short person complex" and "he thinks he's hot shit and he's arrogant." I'm watching his pathetic apology on CNN...his poor wife standing next to him. She's stronger than me...I would be no where in sight. I don't understand why he (any man for that matter) would pay "between $1,000 and $5,500 an hour" for a prostitute...even cheat at all. but you're the've built your career on being a complete hard ass..."on rooting out public corruption as New York attorney general, became a national figure with a series of high-profile Wall Street investigations. He is also known for prosecuting prostitution rings". Hopefully he will resign and I won't have to worry about him trying to pass asshole laws like...oh, giving illegal immigrants licenses! what the fuck was that about? good riddance Spitzer.

no luck.

i called the VA this morning...waited 25 minutes to speak to someone. finally got a primary care person on the phone...i told her i wanted to make an appointment...she replied with "yeah". so i asked, "well how do i go about that?"...she raised her voice and said..."give me your last four!". goddamn. i think she was drunk. she typed in my last four and my name and told me i had to be "established". i have no idea what this means. i have a VA card...i've been there before. before i could ask a question, she yelled "transferring"...she transferred me to some lady. of course she was not there. i left my name and number. this might just take a year.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

no insurance.

i have no health insurance and my tooth is killing me. tomorrow i'm going to call my
VA hosp and see if i can get an appointment. i heard the wait for dental is a year.
a year? i dont have a year.