Saturday, August 12, 2006

Selfish

After visiting the hospital I was depressed for a while. I felt guilty because I was in one piece and because I didn’t have to go outside the “wire” everyday. I felt like an idiot for complaining about dumb shit. My whole life I wasn’t really a big complainer and I was thankful for everything I had…but after that I almost felt bad for being alive. It may sound weird but to me so many people waste their lives working 9 to 5, trying to please other people, living up to others demands and expectations, trying to live the “American Dream”, which is the biggest bullshit ever…it makes me sick. There’s no satisfaction in living your life the way others see fit. And after seeing human beings fucked up and just wanting to see their family, or have their arm back…they were so thankful to be alive and I realized that’s all that really mattered. Its sad that no one is satisfied with just being alive.

3 Comments:

Anonymous timmy said...

I get this one, you're like one of them MTV people. You had a knack for blending in like I had a knack for retaining lead. Like when we were heading out to Pau Treng that sweltering afternoon on a little rice-path thought to be a safe haven for GI's. You never laughed after monsoon season in 1968 when the brass bucked you down to lance corporal (I believed your story). But nevertheless, we were having an okay time walking down the path until we heard the distinct crack of AK's about 1 click away. You grabbed a wheelbarrow, a pair of soggy peasant linens, and hauled me off against a tree. You said, "close your eyes Gunny, this is gonna hurt."

After two swollen black eyes, a smashed nose and a lot of blood and mud smeared over my face, you got this convinced look on your scarred face. We put on the linens and coolie hat, stuffed me in the wheelbarrow and waltzed down the road. Goddamn charlie was convinced I was your grandfather you had to carry out of a GI bombing run. I never doubted you Kate.

8/12/2006 06:28:00 PM  
Blogger Lois Lane said...

what is that from?

8/13/2006 08:11:00 PM  
Anonymous timmy said...

Sorry. I was tripping on your new profile pic and it triggered an out of body experience.

I better get back to Stories in America before something worse happens.

8/13/2006 11:23:00 PM  

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